


The Not-at-All Smooth Path

by anterrobangingphan (starkidpatronus)



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Friends to Lovers, Love, M/M, Non AU, Romance, all that jazz, but also NOT REAL, disclaimer hell yeah, hella angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-19
Updated: 2015-02-15
Packaged: 2018-03-08 05:24:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3196964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starkidpatronus/pseuds/anterrobangingphan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The winding, twisting, turning path two close friends take on their way to the destination they can't quite see yet.<br/>Or, the irritating, crushing, annoying, painful, somewhat cliche, ridiculous way Dan and Phil fall in love.<br/>ON HIATUS UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One Look

**Author's Note:**

> Hello there!  
> So, I've been on a Phan kick and a Taylor Swift kick recently. Funnily enough, I found some starters on Tumblr for the Taylor Swift song, "You Are In Love." When I saw starters for my favorite song on 1989, naturally, I went, "Hell yeah!" Inspiration then struck for this story, and...here we are! Each chapter is inspired by a different starter, and each starter is at the beginning of its chapter, in italics.  
> Disclaimer: I do not claim any of these events to be real. This is just a story, completely fictional.  
> Note: This story has also been posted on fanfiction.net: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10994002/1/The-Not-At-All-Smooth-Path

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan and Phil go to a party, but things don't exactly go according to plan.

_"I give one look in this dark room, it's meant just for you."_

Dan is not having fun.

Theoretically, he should be. He’s at a party with his some of his closest friends, many of whom he has not seen in a while. He’s a party with good food. He’s at a party with lively music. He should be having fun.

But Phil is there, too.

Now, normally, this would not be a cause for distress--quite the opposite, actually. The two always hung out at parties, stuck together, near joined-at-the-hip. People would laugh and say they couldn’t survive without each other, and Dan always laughed, too, not wanting to admit that, some days, it felt like that was true. Dan was awkward and lanky and bad at meeting new people. When Phil was by his side, though, his breathing evened out and the whole “being social” thing seemed much easier. Phil is Dan’s safety blanket. And Phil knows that, even though Dan would never admit it out loud, so Phil always makes sure to stay with Dan at social events as much as possible, just to ensure that the younger boy has a good time. Dan is always extremely grateful for it, of course.

But now tonight is happening.

And tonight, Phil is on the other side of the room, talking to some random guy whom neither of them even _know_. He’s a couple inches taller than Phil. He has brown hair, kind of ruffled and sticking up in a few places. His glasses are black and wire-framed, nearly slipping off his nose as he leans over the table where they’re both sat to tuck a piece of Phil’s hair behind his ear. Phil huffs out a little laugh and blushes.

Dan wants to die.

Phil will probably be going home with that bloke. He’s Phil’s type to a T; Dan knows very well from experience. Well, from watching those who _got_ experiences with Phil. Dan doesn't know why the thought of Phil spending the night in another’s bed made him want to hurl. He doesn't want to figure it out, either.

A sudden, “Hey there,” is said by his ear, accompanied by a tap on his shoulder. Dan turns around and is faced with a pretty fit bloke, if he’s honest. Sandy hair, much shorter than Dan, kind of round face, blue eyes.

Dan doesn’t know why his first thought is, _Not as nice as Phil’s._

“How are you this evening, beautiful?” the boy asks.

“‘Not interested,” Dan says shortly, turning and starting to walk away. He doesn’t mean to be rude, but he just doesn’t want to engage in any of this and give the guy the wrong idea; he does seem nice, but Dan is not at this party for any of that, even if Phil apparently is. Dan is here to catch up with old friends, which he should probably start doing anyways, instead of moping in a corner by himself.

“My, that was quite the brushoff,” the guy says, grinning as he steps in front of Dan, effectively blocking his path. “‘Didn’t even give me a chance to ask if it hurt when you fell from Heaven.”

A little air puffs out of Dan’s nose, which he hopes passes as laughter. “Look, you seem nice, but I’m just not interested in that tonight.”

“Okay, then just let me turn off the charm,” the boy offers, “so we can just chat in a friendly manner instead. No obligations, I swear.”

Dan gives a small chuckle then, and decides that maybe it’s not such a bad idea to talk to someone new. If he goes over to talk to his friends, he knows they’ll all be asking about Phil, how he and Phil are doing, what's going on with him and Phil, and to be honest, Dan doesn’t really want to go through that right now. It would be much better to be with someone who doesn’t know that Dan is part of a package deal.

“All right, you’ve got yourself a deal,” Dan gives in as he holds out his hand. “Dan Howell.”

“Harry Harrison,” the guy says, shaking Dan’s hand. Dan tries--and fails-- to hold back a snort of laughter at _that_. “And, no, I’m not kidding; my parents really do hate me that much.”

“Oh, it’s not that bad; it’s kind of...charming?” Dan tries.

“It’s worse than ‘Albus Severus.’”

Dan lets out a full laugh, then, deciding this guy really isn’t so bad. “Okay, yeah, you got me.”

“Just never call me by my full name, and we should be fine!” declares Harry.

“Works for me,” Dan agrees, nodding. “Hey, I’m gonna’ go get a drink.”

“I’ll join ya’.”

The two stroll over to the bar. Once there, Harry orders, “A classic scotch on the rocks.” Dan originally goes for vodka and coke, but then he hears a peal of laughter from across the room, looks over, sees Phil chortling at some joke that bloke with the hair and glasses had made, and changes to straight whiskey.

Harry arches an eyebrow, but says nothing until they find a table at which to sit across from each other. “So,” he begins. “Who went and broke your heart tonight?”

Dan attempts a laugh, and hates when it comes out as the sound a wounded animal would make. He tries joking, “Oh, Harry, the first thing you must know about me is that I have no heart.”

Harry smiles a little at the joke, realizing Dan doesn’t want to talk about it. “All right, I’ll back off. If you need to rant about it, though, I’m all ears.” Then he appears to think about what he’s said. “Wait, I’m sorry, that was forward of me; we’ve just met. If you’re gonna’ rant to anyone, it’s gonna’ to be your best friend.” Harry watches as Dan’s lips became a thin line. “Oh,” he says, eyebrows raised. Then, while nodding, “Oh. Oh, yes, I see. I’m sorry, mate; that’s the worst.”

“What? No!” Dan exclaims. “No, no; that’s not it at all. No, really; no one’s broken my heart; I don’t have feelings for my best friend or anything. It’s just that we’re usually together at parties, but now he’s over there talking to some guy with sexy hair.” He gestures vaguely towards where Phil is sitting. Dan tries to remember how many drinks he’d had so far. Looking down at his glass, he thinks it’s two and a half by now.

There is a pregnant pause before Harry says, “Well, his hair is pretty sexy.”

Dan laughs then, _genuinely_ laughs, and in spite of himself, is feeling pretty happy, here with Harry.

The conversation somehow turns to video editing and filmmaking. Dan finds out that Harry films and edits short films, and Dan tells Harry about making YouTube videos. And--well, Harry is really charming, and they’re both getting pretty drunk, so when a touch Harry lays on Dan’s shoulder lingers too long, Dan meets Harry’s eyes and doesn't look away. 

Harry raises his eyebrows in surprise. “‘Wanna’...take this back to my place?” he inquires, tone uncertain.

Dan consciously does not look at the place where he knows Phil is _still_ sitting with that prat, tells himself that he did _not_ need to be with Phil Lester every night, and nods once.

“Okay,” Harry says with a nod of his own. “Shall we?”

“Yeah,” Dan confirms.

He follows Harry to the door, but has to look back, just once. He gives one look into the dark room, and it’s really just meant for Phil. Dan’s praying to every god that Phil will feel Dan’s eyes on him, look, and...and what? Beg him not to go? Smile and encourage him? Do nothing?

Dan stops looking, turns around, and leaves the party with Harry.


	2. Playing It Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil confronts Dan about the events of the party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First and foremost, thank you to everyone who left such wonderful comments and has subscribed. You are all the lights of my life. <3  
> Second, still looking for a beta, if anyone's interested! Feel free to contact me at thewriternotthemuse.tumblr.com. :)  
> Now, previously: Dan and Phil went to a party with each other, but Phil spent the whole night talking to some guy with glasses and "sexy hair." Dan met a cute guy named Harry, and, despite initially turning down his advances, willingly gave in after awhile. Dan went home with Harry, but looked back at Phil once before leaving.

  
_"The time moved too fast, and you played it back."_

Dan politely declines breakfast at Harry’s, saying he has to get home and get some work done. Harry seems to hear what Dan isn’t saying, and understands.

“I had a good time last night,” he states.

“Yeah, me too,” Dan agrees as he pulls his jacket on, standing at the door.

Harry nods. “Well,” he says as he pulls the door open for Dan, “give me a ring if you want.”

“‘Will do,” Dan says, knowing that Harry knows they never exchanged numbers. Dan leaves, knowing one-night-stands should not leave him feeling like this.

Because when walking out of Harry’s apartment and heading home, Dan feels...nothing. He doesn’t feel satisfied or fulfilled from last night at all--which is weird, because the sex really had been good. And he knows that he _should_ wake up from that feeling renewed and pleased. Not in love with the guy, because, of course; that's not the point. But certainly not like a part of himself is missing, which is how he’s feeling now.

When he walks into his and Phil’s flat, all he wants is to go back to bed--in his _own_ bed--and sleep off this feeling of everything being totally and completely wrong.

That’s not what he gets.

No, instead, he gets Phil Lester sitting on the sofa, placing down a cup of tea, and calmly looking up at Dan. There’s an edge to his actions, though, that lets Dan know he is in for it.

“Oh, well, would you look at that,” Phil spits. “He finally shows up.”

“Excuse me?” Dan challenges, feeling cornered already.

“I was looking for you last night,” Phil informs Dan, standing up.

“Yeah, you sure seemed like it,” Dan mutters.

Either Phil doesn’t hear Dan’s comment, or he ignores it. “I noticed you were gone, and I started freaking out, looking everywhere for you. You wouldn’t answer your phone. I was worried sick. Finally, when I asked PJ, he told me he’d seen you go home with a guy he’d invited from work. I had to find out from one of our closest friends that the guy I’m living with wasn’t coming home that night, and you didn’t even tell him! You didn’t tell anyone! Dan, do you have no sense of self-preservation?”

“I just didn’t want to disturb you,” Dan justifies. “You seemed pretty preoccupied.” He brushes past Phil, bumping his shoulder harshly while storming to the kitchen to fix a cuppa.

“And just what the hell is that supposed to mean?” Phil demands, following after Dan.

“It means that you were with that guy with the glasses all night,” Dan elaborates, careful to only give the one descriptive feature, so Phil won’t know he’d been watching for so long. “I didn’t want to interrupt you two.”

“Are you kidding me?” Phil sputters. “I would not have minded if you had taken my attention away from him for fifteen seconds to tell me what was going on with you, so I could’ve been saved all that stress of wondering what had happened to you!”

“I don’t see what the big deal is,” Dan argues. “I mean, _you_ went home with _him_ , right? What’s the big deal if I went home with someone too?”

“I _didn’t_ go home with him!” Phil nearly shouts.

“What?” Dan’s brow furrows. But...he’d been so sure-- “Why not?”

“Because I’d just met him that night,” Phil explains grimly. “I wasn’t about to spend the night with someone I barely knew. That’s just _smart_.”

“Oh, so now I’m an idiot?”

“No, you’re just _acting_ like one!” Phil throws back before taking a deep breath. “Look, Dan, do what you want with your life; it’s your life, and you can make your own decisions. But it’s just common courtesy to tell the person you’re living with if you have plans alternative to coming home so that they’re not worried sick. And to tell your best friend where you’re going so he’s not scared that you’ve been mugged or raped or killed or something. And,” he adds as an afterthought, “it is just common sense to not sleep with someone you’ve just met.”

Dan tries to appease Phil with, “Look, he wasn’t a mugger or a rapist or a murderer or anything. He was just a cool guy, okay?”

“You didn’t know that!” Phil objects as Dan starts pouring his cup of tea. “He could’ve been anyone, for all you knew! He could’ve been a serial killer!”

Dan rolls his eyes at that one. “I was willing to take that risk with a guy who’d been invited to Zoe’s party.”

“You didn’t know he was invited,” Phil points out. “He could’ve crashed the party with a bunch of well-known YouTubers, trying to--”

“Phil, knock it off, for fuck’s sake,” Dan sighs. “Was it a bit of an ill-advised decision? Yes. But everything turned out fine.”

“Me going crazy at our friend’s party is your definition of ‘ _fine_?’”

“I said it all turned out fine, not that it was fine the whole way through.”

“You are the most infuriating person to live with!”

“Phil, I don’t know what you want from me here,” Dan says, looking Phil squarely in the eyes. “It’s my business.”

“I’m not denying that,” Phil said sharply. “I’m just saying that I think you should be making smarter decisions in your _business_.”

“Well, again, Phil, that would be _my_ business.”

“Fine!” Phil exclaims, throwing up his hands. “You want to make stupid decisions? I can’t stop you.”

“Then don’t try!”

“I won’t!”

Phil storms out of the kitchen, and Dan hears him slam his bedroom door. He takes a deep breath, followed by a gulp of tea.

“Well,” he says to himself. “You really fucked that one up, didn’t you, Howell.”

***

He knocks on Phil’s door softly. “What do you want?” comes the muffled reply.

“Can I come in?” he requests.

There’s a pause before Phil calls back, “Yes.”

Phil’s lying on his bed, headphones in. He sits up when Dan enters hesitantly, bearing two cups of tea, one of them in Phil’s favorite Sonic mug. “Hey,” Dan tries as he sits down on the edge of the bed, holding the Sonic mug out to Phil.

“Hi,” Phil says apologetically as he accepts the mug.

“Listen, I’m…I’m really sorry about last night,” Dan states. “What I did was…stupid and irresponsible and, yes, it was my decision, but that doesn’t mean it was the right one. And even if I was going to make that decision, I should have handled the situation differently. I should have told you what I was doing, what my plans were. You deserved to know, and I shouldn’t have put you through what I did.”

Phil raises his eyebrows in clear surprise. “Wow. That was surprisingly eloquent.”

“I’ve been standing outside your door getting my thoughts together for the past twenty minutes.”

“So that’s why this tea is so cold.”

They both let out short chuckles at that.

“I’m sorry, too,” Phil continues, setting the tea down on his bedside table. “I was just…worried and…upset.”

“You had every right to be,” Dan asserts.

“Yeah, but,” Phil laments, “I spent the whole time you were gone thinking of what I’d say, prepping myself so I _wouldn’t_ overreact like that. So I wouldn’t get caught in the heat of the moment or anything and then…I did.”

“It happens to the best of us,” Dan reminds.

“Yeah, but…I’m usually so good at keeping my emotions in check,” Phil complains. “I don’t know why you’re always able to get such big reactions out of me. It’s annoying.”

“I guess it’s just part of my charm!” Dan teases.

“No, I think it’s just that I care about you for whatever stupid reason,” Phil admits, looking down.

“I care about you, too,” Dan says sincerely.

Then there’s a moment, when Phil meets Dan’s eyes, and neither of them looks away, and it suddenly feels like everything is frozen. It passes a second later, though, too quickly for Dan to fully register or understand it.

“No, but really,” Phil says, acting as if nothing has happened and making Dan think he’d imagined it. “I was wrong; your decisions really are your decisions, and I was reaching at stars and making it a bigger deal than it was.”

“It’s okay, don’t worry about it,” Dan assures his friend. “Now, let’s stop with dumb apologies and watch some telly.”

Phil nods. “Sounds good to me.”

***

Long after they’re both in bed, and Dan has heard the last of Phil tossing and turning through the wall, Dan’s still up, staring at the ceiling, and thinking about that one moment when he’d almost thought…maybe—

No, but that’s crazy. No, certainly not.

But still.

Dan can’t stop replaying that one moment in his mind over and over again. He was even starting to add his own details in, like maybe Phil’s eyes had flicked down to Dan’s lips (they hadn’t; he knew they hadn’t, and why was he even imagining that?). He’s driving himself crazy, trying to figure out what it had meant, when he had probably just made up its existence in his own head.

Still. It had felt like it was there.

Dan sighs and rolls over. There’s no point in trying to figure out something he’s not even sure was real. (Even if it definitely was (maybe).)

He tries valiantly to get sleep, and by morning, thinks he may have gotten three hours of it. His insomnia had been caused by one single question circling his mind repeatedly:

 _What had it_ meant?


	3. Buttons & Lighthearted Jokes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Monday radio show, and an unexpected visitor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Firstly, thank you to everyone who has given such kind reviews! They really do mean a lot. <3  
> Secondly, I realize this chapter has taken a bit longer than I said it would, but I lacked inspiration and time for writing. The next chapter should be significantly better, though.  
> Fourthly, happy belated Valentine's Day! I hope your day was filled with love, affection, and joy. <3  
> Previously: Dan, feeling rejected by Phil at a party, slept with a guy named Harry, whom he had just met that night. The next morning, upon coming home, Dan was met by a furious Phil, and they had a bit of an argument about how they should handle their decisions about personal lives. When making up, there was a split second of a moment whose meaning Dan could not figure out. Hell, he hadn't even been able figure out if it was real.

_"You had buttons on your coat, and you told a lighthearted joke."_

“Dan, come on, we’re gonna’ be late!” Phil calls.

“I’m coming; keep your shirt on,” Dan says tiredly as he walks into the foyer.

The black head of hair is bent as Phil looks down at the buttons of his coat, doing them up. “You’ll need a jacket; it’s cold as ice out there.”

“No, it’s not,” Dan denies, even as he reaches into the closet and grabs his own coat.

“Well seeing as there actually is ice on the ground,” Phil points out, “I’d say it is.”

Dan rolls his eyes at the stupid joke. “Let’s go.”

Phil, still grinning, opens the door and holds it open for Dan, who says thanks as he passes. They make their way downstairs and into a cab. Phil gives the driver the address as he slides in, Dan following.

They’re off to the Monday radio show, and Dan’s pretty pumped for this month. He’s come up with some fantastic seven second challenges, if he does say so himself, and he’s excited for the fans’ reactions to the internet news this week. This is going to be a good one; he can feel it.

And as for any weirdness that Dan may have thought was lingering after a moment he has determined he had definitely imagined….Well, it’s out of the equation. They are back to normal. Not that they were ever not normal, but—Just—You know—Reinforcement of the normalness, really.

Because they are normal. Really. Everything is completely normal between them. Completely.

***

Dan had been right.

The show had gone off without a hitch. Plenty of tweets from fans, a good amount of listeners, and Dan had, in fact, won the seven second challenge. By the end of it, he’s bouncing off the walls with excited energy.

“Let’s go out tonight!” he suggests as they clean up the booth.

“Where?” Phil asks.

“I don’t know.” Dan fishes around for an idea before coming up with, “A bar?”

“I’m not trusting you in any environment with alcohol for the next year,” Phil rejects.

“Then how about a movie?” Dan comes back. “I’ve heard _amazing_ things about _Interstellar_.”

“Oh, me too!” Phil exclaims, setting the computers up for the next show.

“All right, then it’s settled,” Dan states as they start walking out into the hallway.

“Perfect,” Phil agrees. He pulls out his smartphone. “Lemme’ just check the times—”

“Let’s go for the eight o’clock,” Dan says thoughtfully.

“I haven’t even pulled up the app yet!”

“I know, but if they have it. That way, we don’t have to rush through dinner or anything.”

“Yeah, but we should hurry anyways; it didn’t come out that long ago, so the crowds—”

“Dan?”

Oh no.

Dan prays his friend hadn’t heard the calling out of his name, prays to every god that Phil doesn’t turn around--

But Phil’s already stopped, is turning around, and is saying, “Wait, Dan, I think someone’s trying to—”

“Uh, it’s probably no one,” Dan says quickly, taking Phil’s arm lightly and urging him forward. “Come on, let’s—”

“Dan!”

Dan stops and winces. There’s no pretending he hadn’t heard that one, and Phil’s stopped again, and clearly not about to let Dan keep walking. He doesn’t want to turn around. But then a gentle hand is on his shoulder, and he’s being spun around, and faced with blue eyes in a round face framed by blond hair.

“Hey.”

Dan nods and says, trying not to grimace and decidedly not looking at Phil, “Hello, Harry.”


End file.
